dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
