hell yes lets make some ravioli
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
