I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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