bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
