Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
