im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
