Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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