Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
