this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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