I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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