i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
