I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
