Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
