we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
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The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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