The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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