She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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