So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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