i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
