I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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