the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
