K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
3pm strippers are depressing
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
