I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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