Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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