I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
