Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
