Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
