Kiss
Puke
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
