I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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