We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
