You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
