Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
