I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's rum buckets o'clock
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
