Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can't put those talents on a resume
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Im part way to drunk.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
