Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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