well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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