i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
