Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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