At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
