She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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