YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
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