Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
