4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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