Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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