I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
