Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
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I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
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I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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