"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
