apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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