Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
