Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i came on her dog
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
