we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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