Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
