So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
