ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize