Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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