I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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