does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I cockslap morals
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
