so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
