im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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