he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
