It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
someone owes me an orgasm
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
