Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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