Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
