this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
