Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
