it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
