I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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